I think so, Brain, but Zero Mostel times anything will still give you Zero Mostel.

After I graduated college, I tentatively thought that Law School would be a fine next option for me.  Well, at least sometime in the future, while I tried to figure out what to do in the intervening times.  Fast-forward about two years, and I was in Law School, hella happy that I finally achieved my goal...of being a student in a law school.  About midway through that year, I started to realize that getting in was the extent of my goal.  I honestly didn't really care that much about graduating or actually working as a lawyer.  So I went to class, enjoyed classes that I enjoyed, and stopped really caring about classes I didn't get.  My first year of Law School ended up being my last year of Law School.

As I look back on my 1L career, I find similarities to my current situation.  For years after LS, all I wanted to do was get a decent job that would let me live comfortably and do the things I wanted to do: dance, take martial arts classes, play musical instruments, etc.  Essentially just get a stable life.  And now it is here.  I have a steady job that I can live with, I take classes, do the normal activities associated with living in a city, but that's as far as my goals have been.  It's like I've chosen goals that lead me to the first step of a long journey, but never the goal of journey's end.  And now I'm feeling the brunt of that.

Now I feel happy that I'm learning to fight, to spin fire, to play bass and crack whips and lift heavy things; but I wonder where it's all leading?  What happens when I am the best at doing any of these things?  Why am I filling my brain with useless knowledge?  What do I think I'm going to DO with any of it? 

These are all easy questions compared to the biggest one of them all: why do I need my life to lead to something?  Because I can't answer that question.  All I know is that my journey begun some time ago, and staying put is wrong in the strongest sense of the word.  It used to me that moving on meant literally leaving a location, but I don't think that it does anymore.  I think that moving on means something different, I just haven't found that meaning yet. 

A long time ago my goal was to seek wisdom where it could be found.  But it seems that wisdom stored up becomes like a battery, bursting at the seams.  I want to use my powers for good, to dispense the accumulated knowledge that's been churning around inside me.  How do I do that?  Where is my destination?  Or is this phase of life to teach me to focus on the journey, without knowing the end? 

I'm still here,

LT

Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.

Arnold Bennett