On being something, or someone?

There is a point when you are learning a new sport or trade where you are all too aware that you are a beginner.  The actions don't come easily to you.  You are thinking about doing actions, not really doing them.  This feeling can be enough to put us off us learning anything new.  It's disorienting and humbling to not feel like you belong.  Many of us would rather feel like expert spectators than beginning participants.

Yet the more you do something, the more natural it feels.  Enough repetition and one day you realize that you get it.  You can't explain it, but you get it.  It is on that day that you feel confident saying, "I'm a dancer.  I'm a motorcyclist.  I'm a martial artist.  I'm a fire spinner."  Long-term muscle memory has just influenced your personal view of yourself.  No one can take that away from you.

The thing about personal growth is that you don't have to be young to grow.  I called myself a skier at 16, a dancer at 22, a motorcyclist at 28, and now I call myself a martial artist and a fire spinner.  Whether or not I was good at any of those things is irrelevant; what matters is that I did them.  Or do them, as the case may be. 

Let's put it this way, as I've journeyed up the ladder of life experience, I've been constantly feeling like a beginner.  Constantly.  You know what's gotten a lot easier?  Beginning things.  Over the years, I've gotten used to looking like a fool for several months to a year.  That has some significant advantages.  I can start something and not worry about what everyone else thinks of me.  Do they think I look foolish?  Of course they do!  Will that hinder my growth in any way, shape or form?  Of course not!  Next thing!  I can also understand that I will eventually get it.  When I feel foolish, I know that if I just keep doing it terribly, my body will start to understand and I will be able to do it properly.  It will happen, it just takes time.

Tomorrow I'm going to spin fire badly.  I'm going to be photographed by a bunch of people spinning fire badly.  I'm going to be in front of all of my fire spinning friends with loads of experience spinning badly.  But I'm spinning badly because I'm learning something new.  Give me some time and I'll be spinning amazingly. 

There's a saying I love about exercise: "No matter how slow you are running, you're lapping all of those people still on the couch."  I am an awesome couch spectator.  I earned my badge in that when I was very young.  I tired of that about the same time.  Now I am working on new badges, and my favorite one reads Expert Beginner.

I'm still here,

LT

Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance.

Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)